tongue out

So i've been sitting here on my bedroom floor the past hour thinking about my life. I really don't know where to start and how to start. But amidst my more than extreme tired and completely mindless state between yesterday night and the early hours of this day - I wanted to write down the many promises I made with myself and those around me to make sure I was accountable. The first one. Stay clean of anything until end of HSC year. Next, don't try and make things bigger than they actually are. Also don't force things. Things happen as they will. Don't expect things to happen. Expectation is the root of all heartache. Don't let heartache tear you down. Don't let things that want to tear you down... tear you down. Put up a good fight. Don't put yourself into a slump knowing you won't be able to get out of it. Don't cry because you feel shit. Instead tell yourself to stop being an emotional wreck and man the hell up. Focus on things that make you happy - your friends that respect and care for you, good weather, good music and seek self satisfaction from things that noone else knows about but yourself. Don't tell people you're fine unless you are actually fine. Don't tell me people you're not fine if you're actually fine. Don't be useless. Enough dont's. Be productive. Be rational. Be emotional. Be a little naughty when you feel like it. Be stupid. Make mistakes. Go down the road that tells you you're going to get hurt. Expect to not get hurt. But expect to be hurt. Cry it out when you feel shit. No don't do that. Be happy. Be grateful. Be pure. Be yourself and don't let others get in your way. Don't let others dictate your own happiness. Let others make you happy. Focus. Focus on that one point. Focus and you'll see that meaningless things can become meaningful. Who knows right? 

You see... my life is just a massive contradiction in itself. But i'm okay with it.